By Ligia N. Cushman, MA
Another disturbing video. Another scary headline. Families in kinship, foster care, and adoptive homes are navigating not only the trauma that brought children into care, but also a world where violent events are constantly visible in the news and on social media. Children in these families often carry previous losses, disruptions, or maltreatment, so public violence can feel especially personal and overwhelming.
As parents, we’re the ones offering hope to our kids. But at times, that feels impossible.
It is difficult to reassure our children that they are safe in a world that often does not reflect that safety back to them.
Our Family’s Story
When my son Jaden was just seven years old, he was at school on the day of the Sandy Hook Elementary School shooting. Like many parents, we went to his school and brought him home early; he could tell from our faces and rushed voices that something was very wrong, even before we said a word.
That devastating day forced us into a hard conversation that, as adoptive parents, we were not ready to have.
We tried to keep our words honest and straightforward, but his questions were anything but simple: “Why would someone do that?” “Could it happen here?” “Will you be there to protect me?”
Each question carried not only fear about the violence he’d heard about, but also the deeper worries of a child who had already experienced loss and disruption, reminding us that protecting him meant walking through truth with him in ways he could understand.
So when George Floyd was murdered years later, we once again found ourselves struggling to explain how tragedies like this keep happening, especially to Black and Brown communities. Jaden was older then, with his own words for injustice, rage, and grief. So our role shifted: we moved from simply reassuring him that adults were working to keep him safe to acknowledging painful realities. We talked with him about racism, power, and what it means to stay connected and active in the face of ongoing harm.
Today, Jaden is twenty years old. Our conversations sound different—more complex, more candid, and sometimes more painful—but the central challenge remains: it is difficult to reassure our children that they are safe in a world that often does not reflect that safety back to them. For Minnesotans, the recent shooting in Minneapolis has brought that reality painfully close once again, as children, families, and schools across the state struggle to make sense of yet another tragedy.
Why This is Harder For Our Families
Children in kinship, foster, and adoptive homes are already working to make sense of big changes in their lives, and violent news can compound feelings of fear, grief, and insecurity. Caregivers may also be managing their own trauma histories or compassion fatigue, which can make responding calmly and consistently more challenging.
Many children in care have experienced abuse, neglect, community violence, or separation from parents, so current events can trigger past memories or behaviors. Multiple moves, court dates, or investigations can leave children hypervigilant and expecting bad things to happen, making violent headlines especially activating.
In the face of all this trauma, parents are given a heavy task: to ensure our kids feel safe and supported at home.
But there is hope. Let’s navigate these hard conversations together.
Starting the Conversation
Children notice more than adults think, including tone of voice, snippets of conversations, and images on phones and TVs. For them, silence can feel more frightening than honest, simple explanations. In kinship, foster, and adoptive homes, open conversations reinforce that their family is a safe place to bring worries and questions.
First, ask what they have already seen or heard. “What have you heard about what happened?” “What have your friends told you?” “What have you seen online?” Correct misinformation but avoid adding unnecessary detail.
Use brief, clear language that matches the child’s age and history, avoiding graphic descriptions and limiting repeated exposure to images or videos of violence.
Tailoring Support By Age and History
Developmental stage and trauma history both shape how children understand and cope with violence, so the same event can look very different to a 6‑year‑old vs. a 16‑year‑old in care. Caregivers can offer safety and connection in ways that fit each child’s needs and experiences.
Young children need reassurance about immediate safety, predictable routines, and concrete statements. Say things like, “You are safe here. The adults are working to keep people safe.”
Older youth—especially those who have lived through community violence or family separation—may need space to express anger, skepticism, or numbness, and to talk about justice, identity, and power. For this age group, don’t shy away from these big topics. Rather, embrace hard feelings, nuance, and an open dialogue.
And don’t forget: many children in care face challenges that place them at a developmental level that differs from their chronological age. These children may need additional support in processing information and regulating heightened emotions.
Supporting Emotional Regulation
When kids absorb violent news, it can show up as nightmares, regressions, acting out, withdrawal, or renewed questions about past trauma. They may ask other hard questions, like why they are not living with their biological parents. Caregivers can normalize these reactions and help children build skills to cope.
Name feelings (“It makes sense that you feel scared and mad”) and link them to body sensations. Then practice calming strategies such as breathing, movement, or sensory tools.
Maintain routines as consistently as possible—mealtimes, school, and bedtimes—because predictability is a powerful form of safety for children whose lives have included many changes.
Caring for Caregivers and Using Resources
Your needs matter, too. Caregivers’ own stress levels strongly influence how children experience violent events, so tending to adult well-being is part of protecting children. Kinship, foster, and adoptive families also benefit from specialized support that understands trauma, loss, and the child welfare system.
Limit your own media exposure, seek peer or professional support, and use respite or backup care when available so you can remain present and regulated with children.
Reach out to local mental health and family support organizations, parent support groups, and crisis lines in your area to get guidance, therapy referrals, and community during and after violent events.
More Resources for Navigating Tough Conversations
- Talking With Children About Violence in the News (National Alliance on Mental Illness)
- How to Talk To Children About ICE and Immigration (FamilyWorks)
- After a Crisis: How Young Children Heal (The National Child Traumatic Stress Network)
- Creating Supportive Environments When Scary Things Happen (The National Child Traumatic Stress Network)
- More Help for Minnesota Families In 2026
We’re Here for You
As parents, this is a lot. Your feelings of overwhelm, exhaustion, and fear are valid, and you’re not alone. Together, we can bring hope to our children, even during dark times. We are still Families Rising.