By Lisa D. Maynard, LMSW, TCTSY-F
Lisa is an implementation specialist for the National Adoption Competence Mental Health
Training Initiative (NTI) at the Center for Adoption Support and Education. She is also a certified yoga and meditation teacher. For more information, contact Lisa at 585-507-7588 or [email protected].
Before you read this article, take a moment to get grounded. Move a little in your seat to get comfortable, maybe stretch a little, reach up to the sky and notice the clouds. Drink some water, breathe. Ahhhh…
I’m pretty sure I am not alone in feeling a little more anxious and tense since the start of the pandemic. The time since 2020 has offered a plethora of opportunities to increase our stress. It would not be surprising to find that our nervous systems are highly activated and raw. As caregivers, we tend to hold that sense of alert for those we care for and about in addition to our own. This article provides some information about the impact of stress and offers mindfulness strategies that can work to reduce your stress and help you feel happier and healthier as you strive to meet the demands of work and home.
Stress, apprehension, anxiety, and fear are familiar feelings for many of us involved in foster care and adoption. And our stress affects our children too. Children rely on adults for emotional and physical safety. While it is important to help them feel a sense of calm and safety, it is tough to do when we are not feeling safe or calm ourselves.
The Impact of Stress
The ability to effectively serve others is directly related to our sense of self, which is anchored in a vital connection with the body. The wounds of stress and trauma are also held deep within the body; therefore, a somatic approach to healing is critical to improving mental, emotional, and physical health. This is as important for the helper as it is for the client. The ability to live in a mindful way strengthens our connection to self and others. This mind/body connection provides the practitioner with the link between wounds (stress) “stuck” inside the body and the healing needed.
Stress is all around us. It is a reaction to anything that disturbs our physical or mental balance. A near-miss accident, a distressing phone call from a client, a forgotten item at the grocery store, a child’s incessant whining—all can cause stress. A little stress, “acute stress,” can be exciting—think of riding a roller coaster, planning a wedding or big trip, or skydiving. Acute stress keeps us active and alert.
A stressful event can trigger the “fight or flight” response, causing hormones such as adrenaline and cortisol to surge through the body. Long-term, chronic stress can have detrimental effects on the body, leading to heart disease, gastrointestinal problems, diabetes, and more. Chronic stress can impair judgment and decision-making, cause muddled thinking, loss of confidence, irritability, anxiety and depression, making day-to-day life not very pleasant. It also affects our ability to be present and effective in our work. Unmanaged stress can lead to poor health, addictive behaviors, relationship distress, emotional and behavioral consequences, and burnout.
Burnout is the state of emotional, physical, and mental exhaustion caused by prolonged stress. Burnout happens when you feel overwhelmed, emotionally drained, and unable to meet constant demands. Burnout reduces productivity and saps your energy, leaving you feeling increasingly helpless, hopeless, cynical, resentful and alone. Eventually, you may feel like you have nothing more to give. Does this sound familiar?
Many days we wonder how we will ever get on top of it all, be effective in our work, with our kids, families, friends. Stress feels threatening, like we’re out of control. We feel that we won’t get our needs met or things are not going to go our way. Our expectations are not met, we experience change (and change is scary!). When will we get back to “normal”?
Live in the Present
You may not be able to control the world or the stressors in your world, but you can change how you react to them. According to davidji, an internationally recognized stress-management expert, author, and meditation master: “‘Destressifying’ is a mind-set, a lifestyle. It’s not simply about conquering stress in the moment, but proactively shifting the way you receive, interpret, and respond to life by cultivating a deeper awareness of stress and yourself. Destressifying is about learning to be your best and express yourself at your highest level in every situation. Whether stress is good or bad matters less than what you do with the moment when stress appears, and what you do with your life from this moment forward.”
The key to destressifying is to learn to live in the present moment. Being present changes the way we think, what we think about, and even our very capacity to think. Fretting about the past—“shoulda, coulda, woulda”—is not useful and doesn’t change anything. Worry about the future doesn’t solve today’s problems. When we are in the present moment, we can act with integrity to right our past mistakes and missteps and take time to plan for the future in a more thoughtful way.
You might think, “With all the turmoil and chaos of this present moment, why would I want to stay here?” Eckhart Tolle says when we are in our heads in the future, we devalue the present moment and over-value the future. We miss out. We don’t notice our child’s sweet smile. We don’t experience the pleasure of a hug. We don’t see the beautiful way the sun is lighting up the trees. We walk through life without living it. The Dalai Lama XIV says, “There are only two days in the year that nothing can be done. One is called yesterday and the other is called tomorrow. Today is the right day to love, believe, do and mostly live.”
10 Tips to Help Keep Calm and Centered in the Present Moment
- Breathe. The breath is a beautiful tool: no equipment necessary and it’s with you wherever you go. Try this 16-second pause: Take a moment to feel your feet on the floor, steady, grounded. Inhale through your nose, slowly, to a count of 4. Fill your lungs and your belly with your breath and hold that breath to a count of 4. Exhale gently, slowly, through your nose, to a count of 8, completely emptying your lungs. Repeat two or three times. Deep breathing activates the parasympathetic nervous system—the brakes of our nervous system. Deep breaths lower your heart rate and blood pressure. Notice the feeling in your body. Are you breathing more evenly? Do you feel a little calmer? You can find more deep breathing exercises on meditation apps, including Insight Timer, HeadSpace or Calm.
- Flip the script. Our thoughts often pull us out of the present moment. Sadly, few of us have a steady inner dialogue of peace and affirmation. That inner dialogue is more often evaluating, judging, disapproving, and regretting. Take action on those things you can: apologize, repair relationships, right a past wrong if you can. Then let go of the rest. Worry and regret do not solve problems or change the world; it is not helpful to hold onto that stress.
- Focus on facts. There is a great deal of misinformation, distortion, and half-truth in the world today, which only adds to our feelings of unease and anxiety. Get real, accurate information, and act accordingly. Check multiple sources, then verify through a fact-checking resource, such as Snopes.
- Social distancing is smart and healthy; social isolation is not. Isolation can increase feelings of stress, anxiety, and depression. Find ways to keep in contact with family, friends, colleagues, and neighbors. FaceTime, Zoom, and What’sApp are just a few free online platforms that help to bring people together. Set up a virtual group breakfast, lunch date, or happy hour. A simple phone call works, too.
- Stay active. Find ways to move your body and engage your mind. Join a group activity challenge or challenge yourself—stand up and stretch once an hour; go up and down your stairs five times per hour; or count how many times you can do the stairs in five minutes. Take a quick tour around the outside of your house—if you need more challenge, time how fast you do it. But it’s not just about an active body. Play Scrabble or Words with Friends online—you’ll engage with friends and engage your brain.
- Be creative.
- Coloring has been shown to calm the mind much as meditation does. Download free adult coloring pages (https://www.favecrafts.com/Papercrafts/Printable-Free-Coloring-Pages-for-Adults-free-eBook) or simply let yourself doodle and play with colors, shapes and lines.
- Cooking can be creative, calming, and meditative. Use all of your senses to fully experience the foods you are cooking: feel the fuzziness of a peach in your hand, eye the deep purple of an eggplant, notice the slight sting in your eye when chopping an onion, inhale the aroma of spices.
- Plant a garden. Gardening is creative, meditative, and literally grounding. Sketch out a plan on paper while waiting for the weather to cooperate. Play with colors, textures, and a variety of sizes and shapes.
- Try meditation or yoga. These practices focus on quieting the mind and integrating mind, body, and spirit. The goal is to center and calm. Many people think they can’t meditate. The truth is, you can begin with a very simple practice (see the 16-second meditation in number 1 earlier). davidji says that three things will happen as you meditate: you will have thoughts, you will fall asleep, or you will find stillness. Don’t pressure yourself to be good at meditation—simply try it for five minutes. Yoga is another meditative practice. Contrary to what most people think, there is no need to be flexible or stretchy—the poses are merely a way to feel present in your body. Do what feels useful and accessible for your body. Find some simple yoga poses at https://www.yogajournal.com/lifestyle/how-to-create-a-solid-yoga-practice-at-any-age.
- Eat healthy. Nourish your body. Certain foods and beverages can increase anxiety, stress the body, and dull the brain. Be aware of your intake and try to limit caffeine, fats, sugars, and alcohol. Drink more water and eat fruits and vegetables of all colors. The CDC offers recommendations.
- Reflect on all of your specific eating habits, both bad and good, and, your common
triggers for unhealthy eating. - Replace your unhealthy eating habits with healthier ones.
- Reinforce your new, healthier eating habits.
- Reflect on all of your specific eating habits, both bad and good, and, your common
- Get quality sleep. That’s not always easy. Being stressed often makes it more difficult to sleep peacefully. Lack of sleep can lead to mental and physical health issues, and leaves us feeling tired, grumpy, and stressed. It’s a tough cycle to break. Integrating one or more of the previous practices could help to improve the quality of your sleep. The Sleep Foundation offers these tips, and more:
- Evaluate your room for temperature, light, and noise.
- Invest in a quality mattress and pillows.
- Avoid electronics before bed.
- Accentuate the positive. All too often we focus on how we’ve fallen short or failed. Change your frame—focus on the positive things in your life. Acknowledge and celebrate a goal you’ve reached, a loving interaction you’ve had, or a tough task completed. Dr. Jaiya John, inspirational speaker and founder of Soul Water Rising says, “Pay attention to what you choose to water. It will grow.” Water all that is good.
Mindfulness or destressifyng is a daily practice of living in the present. These simple techniques may not solve the pandemic, affect immigration policy, or alleviate the divisive political climate that we are experiencing. However, by practicing mindfulness, it is possible to reduce the stress and anxiety we feel as we watch the news, interact with clients who themselves have heightened anxiety and stress, and cope with the extra demands of our current situation. Learn to shift the way you receive, interpret, and respond to life by cultivating that deeper awareness of stress and your reactions to it. Notice what happens when you do. I do believe you will be pleased!