Twenty years later, still learning from my son
This month our son Jaden turned 20, and I find myself reflecting on a truth I never expected: the student would become the teacher.
Twenty years ago, when Jaden joined our family through adoption, my husband and I held countless dreams for his future. We imagined milestones and achievements, first days of school and graduation caps. But what I didn’t know then—what I couldn’t have known as an adoption social worker who thought she understood this journey—was how profoundly his story of loss would reshape everything I thought I knew about love.
We grew to love Jaden’s birth mother before we even knew him. That love expanded our capacity to understand what family truly means. Over these twenty years, through moments of joy and struggle, through feelings of grief and loss that even I, as an adoption professional, wasn’t fully prepared for, Jaden has taught us the most important lesson of all: love doesn’t divide—it multiplies.
He has shown us, again and again, that his heart is vast enough to hold all of his family—birth family, adoptive family, and everyone in between. In a world that sometimes tells adopted children they must choose, that loving one family means betraying another, Jaden has proven something beautifully radical: there is enough love for everyone.
This lesson didn’t just change our family. It transformed how I walk alongside other families as an adoption social worker and now as Executive Director of Families Rising. Every time I help reconnect an adoptee with their birth family, every time I remind an anxious parent that their child’s love won’t run out, I’m drawing from what my son has taught me.
As we celebrate National Adoption Awareness Month, I’m celebrating Jaden—not just for who he’s become at 20, but for who he’s helped us all become. He’s taught us that adoption isn’t just about building families; it’s about expanding our understanding of what family can be.
Turning awareness into action
Each year, tens of thousands of children and teens in the United States are adopted from foster care, often by relatives, kin caregivers, or foster parents who have cared for them over time. Adoption inherently involves loss for adoptees, and it should always be the last resort. But in cases where it is necessary, adoption from foster care can bring both tremendous hope and unique challenges.
At Families Rising, we know adoption can be a powerful expression of love, commitment, and community. During National Adoption Awareness Month, we honor the thousands of children, youth, birth parents, adoptive parents, extended families, and professionals across the country who are touched by adoption.
As we recognize this month, it’s also time to pause and reflect on the responsibilities and potential challenges that come alongside it. We invite you to join us in listening to adoptees and strengthening the systems that support every adoption journey.
Read on for our guiding principles and helpful resources for families, potential caregivers, and child welfare professionals who support adoptive families.
Adoption is a lifelong relationship.
At Families Rising, we affirm the following ethical principles should guide adoption practices:
- Child-first focus. Every adoption decision must center on the best interests – physical, emotional, and cultural – of the child.
- Respect for identity, heritage, and culture. For children, especially children of color, Indigenous and Native children, and international adoptees, we recognize the importance of connection to birth family, culture, and community.
- Informed choice for birth parents. Birth parents must be given full, clear information about their rights so their consent is genuinely informed, not coerced.
- Transparency and honesty with adoptive parents. Prospective parents deserve complete information about a child’s history, cultural background, and developmental and medical needs to build a strong foundation.
- Ongoing accountability. Adoption doesn’t end at the placement of a child. It requires support and readiness to respond when things go off course.
Explore Families Rising’s adoption resources.
Every family’s journey is unique. Whether you’re a new adoptive parent or a seasoned child welfare professional, Families Rising has tools and connections to help you thrive.
- CWEL support for child welfare professionals. Families Rising’s Center for Workplace Excellence and Leadership supports child welfare professionals with training, connections, and tools to strengthen adoption support practices.
- Adoption Subsidy Resource Center. Our resource center helps families navigate the financial support provided to help adoptive families meet the needs of children in care, including medical care, counseling or therapy, and tutoring services.
- Adoption resources for parents. Explore practical guides, articles, and webinars covering all the basics of adoption.
- Families Rising Minnesota. Find community through events, support groups, and training opportunities tailored for Minnesota families, caregivers, and professionals supporting children.
- Find local adoption support. Discover post-adoption support services, family groups, and local programs in your state or province.
Connecting families and communities, together.
Adoption is both a celebration and a commitment, one that continues long after all the papers are signed. When we center children’s needs and ensure ongoing support for adoptive families, adoption becomes a foundation for lifelong connection.